Trish Una (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
figlia_morbida) wrote2022-08-08 05:05 pm
figlia_morbida) wrote2022-08-08 05:05 pm
Ryslig | IC inbox
Main Username: < Zigazigah >
Public Appearance UN: < Western_Horizon >
Anon: < sharpdistance > , < kidcharlemagne > (not actually anon now because of Hinata)
ATEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But it is impossible to misunderstand the basic point. He gave up his name and his memories to seal an evil god away. And if he was freed, was that god also freed?
Due to a decision he was forced to make, Atem doesn't wholly remember where he came from. Trish looks up as he speaks, taking in the way the sun cuts sharp shapes and silhouettes out of the stone and how blue the sky is. And she...can further understand the appeal to him in coming here. The images aren't real, but they reinforce memories he thought were long gone. The faintest lines, given context. If he traces them enough, do they become clearer?
It's humbling. He doesn't remember much, but he seems to have held onto the core of his person. He was fighting that kind of battle long before showing up here. At least, that's what she assumes. She can't imagine not knowing herself and letting that sit.]
Does it feel strange to have them back?
[Before September...well, he knew he was missing something, but it must be hard to truly care when there's no face to put to those lost memories. So how does he feel now to know just what it is he might've lost?
She genuinely can't imagine.]
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I thought...I was part of someone else. I thought I was the fragment of his personality that would come forward when he was in trouble...I was what he was like when he was confident, and had the power of the Shadow Games at his command. I was happy like that. It was a little lonely, when his friends didn't know I was there, but it meant that I could protect what was important to him. His happiness was mine, too!
But...
Realizing that his heart wasn't my home, but not knowing what was -- that was strange!
[It's his turn to curl, his arms over his knees, which are drawn up to his chest. Atem's voice is confident, carefree, talking about this like it has no weight for him at all -- but that's not true.]
But now I know where I came from, even if it isn't complete. The memories I have, they're all precious...of this place, and of my time with Yugi. I don't want to lose any more of them...
[And that's what scares him. He keeps getting hurt. Dying. Going into states where he's not fully himself, where he does things he can't remember. He's already lost one memory. How much longer can he go on like this?
He can't. He can't, and he knows it.]
I don't want to to back to being that adrift.
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She always thought she stood on a poor foundation with her mother gone, but Atem...what he went through was unlike anything she's ever heard of.
When he mirrors her posture form earlier, she returns the gesture he offered her. A hand briefly, tentatively placed on his shoulder. It's weird to touch someone, but he didn't hesitate, just like Bruno never hesitated with her. It's the least she can do, when there's nothing else to be done, really.]
...No one would. It's only natural to want a place in the world. We've all got somewhere we belong, right?
[And...finding it is the hardest part.
Still:]
I don't think that means his heart wasn't your home. Home is wherever you're safe. He kept you safe, just like you kept him safe. If that weren't true, I don't know if you would've felt the way you did about him or his friends.
So, I think it's possible to have more than one home. This place helped you remember the first one you ever had, the one that shaped you as a person.
[It's not one he can go back to, however. Trish runs a hand through the hair at the nape of her neck when that particular thought strikes her.
And again when it makes her think of where they are now. He has precious memories of this place too, but that begs the question:]
...What do you consider your "home" in a world like this, Atem?
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[He puts his head down on his arms, sideways. The touch to his arm is welcome, grounding, but her next question...
"Home" had been the eighth floor of the 38-8. That had been where he'd felt safe. When Ryou was happy, and Steve and Celeste and Riley were around, just on the other side of the walls, there if he only called out...that had felt like home.
But that feeling had been taken from him, in January. When he was attacked, and Ryou was killed, and it became clear that he was on his own to deal with this, and that Ryou would never be the same. There's his home in the apartment, that he and Ryou share...but it's not the eighth floor and the people in it anymore.
The only people Atem feels he can rely on to keep himself safe...his idea of that is more realistic, now. It was a nice feeling, while he had it, but his sense of security was false. Ryslig...it would get to him no matter what, and just like the only place that feels like home is the apartment he and Ryou share, the only person he can rely on to protect him is him, and the only person who will prioritize him is Ryou.
But that's good. No one should extend themselves past what they can reasonably do...Atem should have learned this months ago.]
Right now...the apartment, with Ryou.
That's the only place I feel safe. It's the only place that feels like "home."
[He had been prevented from any retribution that might even the score, might get his good name and his pride back, because Ryou had requested it. He'd been powerless to secure himself, at least that way.
Which is why...which is why he has to get his sense of safety back another way. With power that will protect him -- an ability he won't be separated from, and can rely on...]
I guess those are connected, huh...
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Instead, he settles into it. That's fair, she thinks. Sometimes it's comfortable to stay that way, stay secure in the moment. When all corners of yourself are touching, shielding you and grounding you. It's an odd look for him though, from what she's seen of him.
Her nails click click click on the stone between them when she lets her hand drop, waiting for Atem's answer. There's some she conjures in her own mind, but ultimately she realizes she doesn't know who Atem sees fit to fall back on, at least right away. She assumes Ryou, and that thought seems to be proven right.
Still, it's hard to miss how Atem, as bright as the sun overhead, dims when the conversation takes this direction.
This place is hard on everyone, but he's always seemed to weather it the best of anyone. Then again, his foundation for home has always been shaky. Finding yet another place to call home in this world must have taken some time, and not having anywhere to belong is harrowing, she knows. Exhausting.
She hums.]
Yes, they are. Being home and being safe are synonymous. When I think about what you've been through, though...I think a person can be home too. It doesn't have to be a place. You proved that yourself.
[After all, he lived in someone's heart. That's closer than anyone will ever get to the boy he shared a body with.
Hell, when she met Ryou, he was possessed by Atem. If that isn't significant to the trust the share, especially after hearing all this...she'd be surprised.
So she continues, clenching her hand briefly like she's afraid to let this information go, but they're sharing themselves and their homes. And it feels...good, to share.]
That's what my mother was for me. I could have lived anywhere, as long as it was with her. Is it the same way for you and Ryou?
[Of course, people are fallible. But her mother was perfect to the end, in her eyes, and she has no idea that Atem might be leaning on someone who's struggling.]
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Would he be all right anywhere, as long as Ryou was with him...?]
...no one in Ryslig can protect you completely. There's no one I can be with that would mean safety. Ryou can't keep me from harm any more than anyone else...
...but, he does feel like a vital part of "home." I can trust him. We look out for each other as much as this place allows us to.
[Ryou is a help. Ryou's saved him from worse fates before, when it was allowed by the rules of the game. It's only the times when no one could have saved him, that...]
I think a person, or people, can be your home...and then it can change, and not be the case anymore. Ryou feels like home, now...if I moved anywhere, I would want him to come with me.
[Yugi had been home for a long time. But when Yugi was here, it was different. The Atem Yugi knew had moved out, and Yugi had grown to fill the space left. Yugi isn't home anymore.]
My family traveled from city to city, depending on where we needed to be. No one palace was "home"...but my father was. And my mother, and Maia, and Siamun. Everyone who'd have rooms here...
[He tilts his head, indicating the space around him.]
...I haven't heard you mention your mother before.
[This is said with a little bit of uncurling, a little more openness. If Trish would like to talk...Atem would like to listen. He'd like to hear about the person who raised Trish to be who she is...she must have been something else.
And it's easier to think about than the endless dangers of Ryslig, and the futility of standing against them.]
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This is him as he should be, but this is also a person who existed so long ago none of the people who know him now even existed. It's weird to think about. But less important than seeing him hale and whole. That matters more than anything else.
She waits, and her eyes flick briefly to the stone around them again, picturing the rooms hidden within. When her gaze falls back to Atem, she sees that bid for openness, and chews her lip. There's a lot on her mind, so she decides to start with this:]
I think you misunderstood me. When I say someone is safe, they're not...they can't be infallible. They can't protect you from everything, whether it's in a place like this or a world with normal problems. But they're somewhere you can return to, right? At least for awhile. That's what I mean by safe.
But it's like you said. For as long as they can be with us, they're home, until conflict, time, or something else takes them away.
[She gestures with a hand. The room responds, melding Atem's simulation with a surprisingly easy shift into another land. The sky is still clear, but the palace is now open, and the water they've settled before turns to frothy ocean waves lapping at their feet.
It's a seamless blend of Egypt and the Italian shores of Lacco Ameno.]
My mother certainly couldn't have done a single thing to protect me. Not even from everything that happened shortly before I came here. She was a normal woman in every sense of the word.
That didn't make her any less important to me. Why would it? I wasn't anyone special, and neither was she, but we meant the world to one another. Because...we were the only family we had, and that was enough for both of us. We moved a lot, too.
[She smiles at that, a small thing.]
Maybe not to palaces like your family, but wherever rent was cheapest. She passed away a few months before I met Giorno and the others. And you know what? I'm...grateful. I can't imagine her enduring what I have, and if we did survive all that together, what would she have done when she woke up and I was gone, spirited away to some world she could never know or reach? I know it would have broken her.
[There's a pause. Almost like she's struck by something, but she brushes past it.]
So...I get it. There's no such thing as being invulnerable except to not be aware at all. [In so many words: dead.] But you can be safe sometimes, enough to recover and keep going. We're adaptable, right? For better or worse.
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A person who won't hurt you. Not necessarily a person who guarantees safety.
He sees.]
I see what you mean, now. A person who is safe, who won't hurt you...not a person who can keep you from being hurt. That makes more sense.
[It probably says something about his state of mind, about the state he's been in for weeks--months--a year, now--that it's that kind of safety his mind jumps to, rather than "a person who won't hurt you, who you can shelter with."
He's been in danger no matter who he's with. He could be in danger now.]
Yeah. I know what you mean...when Yugi was brought here, it was a cruel thing. It's better, that he's in the Sea of Souls...
[In the end, Yugi hadn't been someone he could call for help, and he didn't want Atem's.
Sent away.]
Still, I'm sorry...that things happened in a way that made you feel that way, about losing her. That's more than anyone should have to endure.
[He looks out at the ocean that she's opened up, and the coastline beyond it. It's a lovely shore.]
You've called up a beautiful ocean.
"He's been in danger no matter who he's with. He could be in danger now." AUGH
There is no such thing as being protected entirely, and there never was.
It's the sum of what she and Bruno spoke of, and how the only sort of safety that exists is the safety of relief. A safe person is thus a relief from the world. But then, Trish has a support network, one that rushed to her side the moment she woke up here. So it's easy for her to say these things, and assume they'll stick. It's easy for her to assume Atem's support network is even more vast than her own.
Why wouldn't it be?]
It feels awful to say, doesn't it? But it's what I believe, so I'm glad...I'm truly grateful you understand where I'm coming from. We know they weren't weak, but what we have to deal with...
[Trish shakes her head.
She'd shake it more at that assertion too, but curiously, it's one Bruno shared too. Another person that feels that way about her, and she can only wonder if she comes off that weak too. But she's too stubborn not to see this through with them. With him.
The ocean continues to rise up to meet them, and Trish reaches down to let it submerge her finger tips. Farewell, ducks.]
...Thank you.
[Whether that's directed toward his prior comment, or his observation of the beach is unclear.
And she continues, gesturing to the rolling ocean waves, where a large, rocky outcropping breaks the otherwise smooth horizon:]
This is the Bay of San Montano, one of Ischia's most beautiful beaches. There's almost always clear skies here. The sky in your palace reminded me of it, and also made me think...even if you're from a thousand, thousand years ago, you've meshed with us so well. In fact, so many of us would never have met without this tiny, broken world, so if there's anything I'm grateful for in being aware of every inch of our pain here...
It's that if I have to endure something so awful, I'm happy it's with people like you.
[Because...Atem is safe.]