I'm not taking anything from you, you're trying to take from me!
[The words come out faster than he can stop them, hands curling into fists on his knees as the anger bursts back into full bloom.]
We keep having the same conversation. I'm honest with you, you don't like it, we don't talk, I tell you more, we make up. And I try to meet your expectations and I try to do what you ask me to do — which I have been doing, Trish, I listen every time. But it's not enough, because you think I'm someone I'm not. You've come up with some version of me in your head that isn't real, that's close to me but not quite, and every time I don't adhere to it you recoil from me.
You tell me you've failed because I talk about your safety and security being my responsibility? How could you possibly see it as that cut and dry? I've asked you for help I don't know how many times, and you've given it, but the second I'm honest about what it is I'm carrying it's your failure? I'm responsible for everyone's well-being. Everyone's. The fact that I want you to be able to someday exist without fear doesn't make you unique! You and Fugo and Steve and Reira and everyone, they're exactly the same. From the beginning, that's what I've wanted. To heal our home from the ground up. To make it safe. I got people killed for that dream. And now I can't be home, so I want to do it here. I want to do the absolute best I can.
I've been trying so hard to balance everything. Stepping back enough to give you space, asking for help when I need it, not making assumptions, being honest with you about everything, from the details to the bigger picture. But you don't really want me to be honest, do you? Because honestly, you can be my closest confidant in the world, the person I trust most of anyone, and I'll still want better for you. I'll still see ways I can improve the world so things hurt less for you. I'm not acting this way because it's you. I'm acting this way because this is who I am. If you can't accept that, then just say so.
hueuuughghnng
[The words come out faster than he can stop them, hands curling into fists on his knees as the anger bursts back into full bloom.]
We keep having the same conversation. I'm honest with you, you don't like it, we don't talk, I tell you more, we make up. And I try to meet your expectations and I try to do what you ask me to do — which I have been doing, Trish, I listen every time. But it's not enough, because you think I'm someone I'm not. You've come up with some version of me in your head that isn't real, that's close to me but not quite, and every time I don't adhere to it you recoil from me.
You tell me you've failed because I talk about your safety and security being my responsibility? How could you possibly see it as that cut and dry? I've asked you for help I don't know how many times, and you've given it, but the second I'm honest about what it is I'm carrying it's your failure? I'm responsible for everyone's well-being. Everyone's. The fact that I want you to be able to someday exist without fear doesn't make you unique! You and Fugo and Steve and Reira and everyone, they're exactly the same. From the beginning, that's what I've wanted. To heal our home from the ground up. To make it safe. I got people killed for that dream. And now I can't be home, so I want to do it here. I want to do the absolute best I can.
I've been trying so hard to balance everything. Stepping back enough to give you space, asking for help when I need it, not making assumptions, being honest with you about everything, from the details to the bigger picture. But you don't really want me to be honest, do you? Because honestly, you can be my closest confidant in the world, the person I trust most of anyone, and I'll still want better for you. I'll still see ways I can improve the world so things hurt less for you. I'm not acting this way because it's you. I'm acting this way because this is who I am. If you can't accept that, then just say so.